I resigned my position as an architect of the future and started a new job as a History Maker. My job involves standing at the end of a conveyor belt, where boxes of possibilities come my way. I pick up each box, put my mark on it, and place it behind me. To prevent boredom, I imagine what’s inside each box before it arrives. Recently, I noticed a change in my posture, where I lean forward into the future as I imagine what’s next in each box.
However, I’ve also noticed that my mood swings are linked to my guesses about what’s inside each box. If I guess it has good stuff, I’m happy, but if I guess it has bad stuff, I’m frightened or angry. The guy who works behind me actually opens the boxes, but I eavesdrop to satisfy my curiosity. I even started keeping score of my guesses. My score is terrible.
I realized that if I focus on just doing my job of making history, I don’t suffer any anxiety or fear. But I can’t seem to resist the urge to lean into the future and start guessing again. It’s like a voice in my head is always urging me to guess and have fun, even though I know it doesn’t make any difference in the outcome. I feel possessed and wonder what’s wrong with me.
I remembered why I started the guessing game in the first place. Boredom. I got bored somewhere around week 4 or 5. That’s when the guessing game started. By week 5 the excitement of the new job has dissipated and it became a rinse-and-repeat thing. So began my guessing game days. I’ve been trying for days now to focus on my job and leave that guessing game but I’m struggling big time! Is there a way out?